Catawampus

turianfetish:

aliencupcake:

kalenel:

poupon:

His introduction always baffled me in its construction. The priorities seemed screwy. The cinematography was like,

“Here we are in this scene, introducing this guy. Here’s what you need to know about this guy:

“There’s this guy, he’s an alien, now here’s his ass. It’s shiny and blue. He has a gun. He was wearing a helmet but now he’s not. You probably didn’t notice him taking it off because you were too busy wondering why we needed to have an extreme closeup of his waist and butt. That’s probably really saucy in his culture, like all waist fetishizing and stuff. There are glowy lights on his armor, probably to assist the enemies in knowing where to shoot. Shoot these glowy things, they say. Or you could shoot at his skull and face, which is now exposed because he thought it would be cool and dramatic to take off his helmet in a dangerous situation to say hi.

“Now in the second shot here he is all business casual, sitting on a pile of shit. He’s probably in someone’s old apartment, look there are some like eating trays or maybe binders of old economics 101 homework, I don’t know. There’s a hole in the wall. Is it for dicks? Is this some sort of disgusting alien glory hole? Is it to put popcans in? Are there popcans in the future? Unclear. This alien guy does not know how to sit like a lady but he knows your character’s name. You character’s name is Shepard and the subtitles tell you that this is Garrus. He likes to keep the barn door open and to keep his gun where it’s most easily grabbed in case of action, which apparently is near his crotch. He may or may not have issues.

“And that is all you need to know about this guy and this scene.”

okay, seriously dying of laughter here

Whoops there go my pants. Wait, ovaries exploded too.

OH GOD, these legs’ spreading…

 I might not have had the above reaction, but my eyes were watering as I laughed. This thing is even better when read aloud, by the way.

(Source: quarianbrotherhood, via fuckyeahgarrus)